(The only thing that matters is …)
THE FOUR POINTS
Devils AFL star Josh Taylor has been fined $5000 by his club after trying to educate his teammates without first making an embarrassing mistake.
Taylor gathered his teammates together after training on Wednesday and told them that though he had not been caught urinating on a shop window, brawling in public, or taking illicit drugs, he still had some life lessons to pass on.
“It was just common-sense stuff, like don’t take LSD on match days, and avoid any powders or needles that had not been given the go-ahead by a Supreme Court judge hooked up to a lie detector.
“And I told them strangers, even coaches and the media, actually see their social media feeds, so they maybe shouldn’t put up photos of their genitalia or Nazi uniform collections. You know, the usual.”
A club spokesman said the unprecedented actions were a serious breach of protocol.
“Josh’s actions were thoughtless, highly inconvenient for staff and baffling for players. Our media and communications team didn’t even have a template for this scenario saved on their computers.
“Such speeches are reserved for players who have stuffed up big time, in order to give the appearance we are addressing serious issues. Saying them when there is no bad behaviour upsets the whole season’s planning, and decades of media management tradition.”
One Devils player said he thought his Twitter feed had been hacked, and he had missed a big news story. “I thought Josh had abused Gillon McLachlan, or vomited on a porn star, or punched a sponsor,” the crestfallen tyro said.
A shaken Taylor later addressed a press conference and read a prepared statement apologising for his actions.
Club CEO Peter Singer then announced Taylor’s sanction, and promised that his outspoken loose cannon would now tow the club line on the dispensing of wisdom.
“Josh is extremely apologetic for his actions and will use this as an opportunity to educate his teammates on the seriousness of the issue.”
2. ENGLAND MIND GAMES
Ex-England spinner Graeme Swann is upholding hoary tradition by questioning the capabilities of some Aussie players, such as world no.1 batsman Steve Smith, ahead of the not-so long-awaited Ashes series. Swann is doing better than any incumbent England players with his cheery digs. Their most noteworthy contribution was the amazing request from shrinking violets Steven Broad and James Anderson.
for a sledging truce.
Good luck with that lads. Even Swann himself says on-field banter between the teams is mere “tit for tat” which both teams indulge, and the two quicks have long been England’s most combative cricketers.
3. CARLTON MINED GAMES:
Interesting analogy used by Blues’ list manager Stephen Silvagni about his club’s future: “… the decline will need to be extended to reach the next major deposit”. Oh, wait, that wasn’t Silvagni, it was a WA mining company … I have mixed up my business and sport quotes. Here’s what Stephen, architect of the highly promising GWS list, said about Carlton’s rebuild: “… it won’t be done in 12 months, it will be done in three, four or five years. There’s a need right across the board with our list. Our depth seems to fall away.” Maybe there is a link between the iron ore price and Carlton’s recovery after all.
4. DO NOT GAMBLE. But if you do …
… Consider a Sunday underdogs St Kilda (v Essendon). The Saints are feisty and competitive, enjoying their footy and welcoming back more and more senior players. The Bombers look like they already need another bye.
St Kilda veteran Farren Ray revealed the AFL’s spiritual side on SEN radio: “So much of the game is played above the head”.